up his creek without your paddle, NOT dirty

I did it; I snagged me a man.

And now I'm wondering if I'm ready to have snagged one. Having finally recovered from the last "relationship" I was in (which wasn't so much a relationship as me letting him plan out the rest of my life for me, a method that doesn't exactly jive if you have, oh, I dunno, goals and dreams?) and struggling to find a balance between asserting my own voice in day-to-day activities and using it to illogically overwhelm others (read: sticking my nose where it doesn't belong and making outrageous suggestions), I find this balance equally precarious in my relationship with this one person.

Should I not cut out a path for myself upon which I can firmly stand and evaluate life's zigs and zags, or do I throw in my lot with another and make it up as a go along? The latter can be dangerous, as it becomes easy to just coast along until you find yourself in his canoe minus your personal paddle. I don't want to be back in that place again. Good thing about this guy is I don't think he'd let me.

But will I let me?

What is cause to be mad over something? If you let a little thing go will it turn into a big thing? To what extent does being understanding allow yourself to get walked all over, and how firm is just firm enough to drive someone away?

How much do I let go?

They say you have to pick your battles, and excellent phrase indeed. But upon what criteria? I think one must account, to a certain extent, for life's uncontrollable poppings-up, and for the fact that some people anticipate these (and to the negative can end up obsessing over them), whereas others do not, or do so to a far lesser extent. Does this make them inconsiderate, or just not big planners?

I think the key comes back down to figuring out what I want, to plotting out my independence and sticking to it. So I like sticking to a schedule, that doesn't mean he has to; it does, however, mean that he has to remember when we make plans (which he does). And I also have to stop freaking out about every mistake becoming a precident: if it happens on a recurring basis and hurts your feelings then bring it up, but everyone makes mistakes. Furthermore, if he apologizes for those mistakes then believe him, drop it, and let it go, give him a chance. If he keeps doing it, then you put your foot down, but impatience is not a way to ward off getting hurt. In fact, it invites pain.

However, to what extent am I able to mellow out in anticipating future cock-ups from him in particular without it effecting my ability to anticipate and plan for the future in general, period?

Basically I'm nervous that if I mellow out again I won't be able to stop it, like last time, and I'll suddenly stop planning my day around my goals but around his whims, trusting him to say no and not me, and that I'll let every little slip pass by until I'm incapable of stating my own feelings. If I go too far to the other side I'm afraid I'll become like a prison warden, selfishly defending myself to the point of not letting anyone in.

Where do I draw the line? How do I forgive him, mean it, and keep my own voice... like he can?